I think I had this picture in my head of what this trip to New Zealand would be. I imagined my stress instantly melting away, immediate reconnection with my husband, and the feeling of pure joy and happiness that I often feel when I’m exploring somewhere new. I would start to find myself.
But I haven’t felt that yet. Mostly I’ve still felt stressed out. I still feel that Jared and I are bickering more than usual. The heavy weight I carry on my shoulders is still there. I’m frustrated.
It’s in these moments that I realize I need to stop and reflect. Travel is about finding yourself. Maybe the deal with myself right now is that I AM very stressed. Maybe I have too high of expectations on myself to feel something that takes me a while to get to. Or maybe it won’t happen, and what I’ll walk away with is realizing that something has to give somewhere else in my life. Or maybe I’ll feel that feeling I’m looking for in a few days when I’ve removed myself from the idea that I have to know everything and everything has to be planned and perfect. Who knows?
What I do know, though, is that regardless of the outcome or if/when I get to the point I’m searching for, everything is going to be alright. I’m in an amazingly beautiful place with the person I love. I’m privileged to be here. I’m lucky to be alive and healthy and whatever this stress that I’m carrying on my shoulders is not about figuring out where my next meal is coming from or if I’m going be eaten by a predator or that I won’t have electricity tomorrow. While exploring Christchurch yesterday, we came across this installation on the side of this building. “Everything is going to be alright”. It spoke to me. It made happy to see this message from the universe soothing my soul when I least expected it.
We are starting a 7 day Haka Tour today. I’m excited but nervous. This experience is very much outside of my comfort zone. We are staying in hostels and traveling in a small group. I have an idea of a loose itinerary but not real idea of what to expect and when. All of this does not make me feel relaxed! But the point is to also push myself to do something uncomfortable and scary. So – let’s explore, New Zealand. I’m ready for whatever lies ahead. Because no matter the outcome, everything is going to be alright.